We all know them or want to know them. We love them or are so annoyed by them. Super Moms are Moms who have it all together. They have beautiful, intelligent, sporty children who have manners and are very involved in school activities. They have a lot of friends. Super Moms have so many friends and admirers, the latest trend or fashion and are just so put together.
A super mom can DIY you under the table. She can have crafts that should be hung at the Louvre beside a Da Vinci. A Super Mom is either a stay at home mom extraordinaire or a working Mom powerful executive or an inspiring entrepreneur. She is fierce. She keeps her marriage and children together.
Her house is the one you can see in a style magazine. Her face would adorn the cover page and each room would be the year’s inspiration. When you tether her in compliments about everything she does, she shrugs, gives you that million dollar smile and says, “It’s nothing.”
But it’s something. It’s something to you. You go home to your mess of a house, you’re back talking children and wonder how you are going to survive the next day at work or home. A super Mom would never have any of these problems. Your hair sits in a messy bun, you are married to your sweat pants and you are trying TRYING to choose a craft for your kids that won’t blow up or burn the house down. You are juggling their sports events and after school clubs. Friendships with your friends? Forget it! You spend the time on the phone apologizing and not catching up. You feel like a shell of the person you used to be. But supermom thinks motherhood is a breeze! She has it all together while you are falling apart.
For the Mom who forgets to shower, for the Mom who is in the car so much driving her children to sports and clubs so much, she believes she has circled the earth twice in the last two weeks, to the Mom who can’t knit, crochet or sew her way out of a basic craft, this is for you.
Here is your way to become your idol (or nemesis). Yes, I have the tools you need to be what you have always wanted or dared to be… the supermom. Time to trade the messy bun and sweat pants and be the fashionista, mommy, wife business extraordinaire. We’ve got the details that is going to make you one of the elite Super Moms of your town and city. After you have absorbed and implemented these tips, nothing will stop you. You will outshine every supermom. These tips are not only going to give you that elite status you’ve dreamed of but also change your life. Yes, I am being bold saying that.
Here are the ways that you can be a supermom
Yes, you have multiple children and they’re screaming at you. I ask you to wait just five seconds. Stay still. Remember with me for a second. Remember that woman, remember that girl who was full of wonder at what life would be like? Will I be that famous writer? Will I visit that far away country? What does life have in store for me kind of girl? Face a mirror. She’s still there. Yes, she is! There she is, under that adorable messy bun and those practical sweat pants. Those dreams did not end, you put them on pause. You did what you had to do in order to survive, to grow your family, to keep everything afloat. You did a great job. Some of you are single Moms and you did it on your own. Bonus points to you my queens. You are killing it at life. Hey, that messy bun is not messy after all, you are rocking it! Those sweat pants are comfy and have gone to war with you. Good choice.
Stop. Stay still for a few seconds every day and remind yourself, you’ve got this.
CHANGE THE VOICE
I want you to be honest with me super mom in the making. How do you talk to yourself inside of your head? Are you stupid, not going fast enough, not good enough? Many of us talk to ourselves that way. So take step one into consideration again and stop and stay still. Just for a second. No, you’re not a failure because your house does not look clean or that your children are fighting all of the time. You’re doing your best. But we do ask you to change something. Change that voice inside of your head. Are the children not getting along? You’re not failing, you just have to try speaking to them in a different way. You can do this. Try different methods. One is going to stick. Remember, these are your children and you are the first thing they see in the morning and the last thing they see at night. You are their beautiful, strong Mother. Change those “you’re stupid’s” to “Okay, I can do this.” “I need a bit more time.” “I am climbing this mountain right now but I’ve got it.”
#$%^ THE DISHES
Your house is not clean supermom, you must be the biggest failure on Earth! Repeat steps one and two. Your children are more likely to remember your smiling face and bask in your laughter before a clean house. Yes, I will play dress up with you! Yes, let’s cuddle up and pop popcorn and watch a movie. @#%^ the dishes and other cleaning for a few days. Then stop and think. Do the children have many chores around the house? Get everyone’s favorite tunes on and assign tasks. Your children are more than capable to take on some responsibility in your home and they need these life skills because my dear super mom, those children will not be children one day. They will fly the nest and out on their own. Since time is precious and we never know what tomorrow brings, $%^& those dishes and dress up, laugh, play and experience joy.
TODAY YOU ARE BORN
Super Mom, once you have passed our $%^& the dishes test, you are re-born. No ceremony or speech required. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. No, it’s not cliché! Remember those nice words. You are supposed to be supporting yourself! Today, you will think of life not as a survival but as a gift. This took a while for me to practice but once you get into this mantra, it saves you. Here is my experience.
I am in the eleventh grade and we are dissecting a frog. I don’t want to do it so I excuse myself to the bathroom to dip out for a while. I pass by an older student in my school, she has cancer. She is dying, but she wants to spend her last days at school. They say she has six months and her goal is to make it to graduation. We are acquaintances so I say “hi” and give her a hug. She’s dying but she’s joyful.
“It’s good to see you! I have not seen you in a while.” I say. What is the right thing to say?
“I am happy to be here.” She answers.
We chat and she is a beautiful soul. A soul that is not afraid to get deep with another person. She brings up cancer. I say to her, “I have heard it’s good to live everyday as if it’s your last, so you appreciate everything.”
“Oh no Grace.” She replies, a little concerned but still flashing me that smile, “I can tell you, that’s not the answer.” I look puzzled but little did I know she changed my life. “I live every day like my first, full of excitement, wonder and awe.”
“Like a child?” I ask.
“Exactly.” She smiles. My science teacher comes out and yells at me. He knows I am ducking out on this class and ushers me back in.
“See you later.” She says. I never see her again.
She did not make graduation.
This is not just a sad story. It is a beautiful story. Because this beautiful acquaintance in my life is going to give you the next lesson. You don’t live life by surviving. You live every day as if it is your first. Your child has their first girlfriend? What is she like? What were they looking for in a partner? Your toddler gives you that block that he covets? Your toddler owns very little and gave you his most precious gift, that block. Think about that.
Think about these gifts. Your children are sharing with you. That’s because you are a supermom.
DON’T OVER ANALYZE
Yes, that Super Mom or the Mother you labeled as a super Mom has brand name clothes, travels all over the world and lives in that big, clean house. And you don’t. Chances are you may never have those things. It doesn’t matter why that Mother has those items and you do not. No, that doesn’t matter. What truly matters is, why you hold those things with great authority in your life. Why do those things matter to you? That is not a Super Mom. Thriving with challenge in your life makes you a super Mom, loving pure love makes you a super Mom. Stop with the flash and shiny things and look at the real beauty around you.
Super Motherhood is a journey that has many paths to achieve excellence. It does not require a partner, it has no colour/color or social status. A super Mom can be a foster Momma with four children who have lived a hard life. Your cape is awarded to you because of a breakthrough where one of the children is acknowledging you.
To the Mother with a child with autism, you got your cape when your child communicated with you verbally. Your child hit a milestone and /you are the rock that makes sure that they get all of the support they need. You are a Super Mom.
My beautiful super Mom, whoever told you that you were not good enough was not good enough to have you in their life. If you need help, be a super mom and reach out for the people and resources who can help you. If you are sad, talk about it with your friends, family or professional. If you do not have that support system, find it. It’s there online, it’s there within your communities.
There is no shame in asking for help .The Mom who is not asking for help is doing a great disservice.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS…
I loved to and was privileged to travel a little bit after I got married. I cherished every sweet moment that I got to step into a different country and I hold those memories close to my heart forever. Some meaner people sneered when I was pregnant and told me how I would not be able to travel once a baby comes. It’s selfish to take a child out of a strict routine. My child free friend pulled me aside and stared at my belly.
“If you don’t travel when you want,” She stated with her beautiful icy blue eyes burning into my soul, “You are not only doing a disservice for yourself, but you are DENYING your child his or her right to know who their Mother truly was.” I was humbled by her words. I gave myself permission to be myself that day.
My little one has traveled to seven countries. She has pen pals in Ireland and Portugal. She knows bits and pieces of different languages and has a decent palate for a child. She loves geography, language and of course FOOD. My daughter is a better person than I am and is much braver than I was at her age.
You don’t have to travel, but you have to keep your passion. Sports. Painting. Acting. Writing. What is it for you?
Don’t deny your children the right to know their parents.
Let’s get back to the basics. Super Motherhood is (not to sound corny but I am going there!) inside all of us. It’s for the badass Moms, the loving Moms, the Moms who cry, the Moms who fight for their children’s rights, it’s for the Moms who lost their children. It’s for the Moms who never got the chance to be Moms. The moment you decide to be a Mom, your super mom badge gets pinned on and you begin to grow into your craft. Congratulations, sweet Super Mom, you have joined an elite group. We welcome you, your beautiful messy bun, your wonderful warrior sweat pants and most of all, your super mom heart.