Author: Ainsley

Finding my calling in motherhood: How giving birth to one love gave birth to another

I feel really fat. You know that feeling you get about yourself when you try to avoid looking in the mirror when undressing because you know you won’t really like the visage that looks back at you? I’ve been feeling really off all day. This whole “mom body” that I am trying really hard to embrace (she grew and birthed my son, after all!) just isn’t working out today—ha, figuratively and literally. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, days on end of baby talk, or the day-long silences between adult conversations. Maybe it is the moon, or just one of...

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My baby pooped blood: The breastfeeding elimination diet– What it is and how to survive it

I am officially 7 months into breastfeeding. I never thought I’d be here. My original goal was to reach 6 months after a significantly challenging—okay hellish—start to breastfeeding. After a few months it got better, and eventually became a breeze. One of the biggest hurdles was something I’d never even heard of before. A few months into life, my little guy started getting greener and greener poops. They were pretty bright…and loose. Soon I started seeing blood flecks in his diaper. Naturally, I totally freaked out. I went to the doctor and she said it was likely a protein...

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9 things I wish I had known about being postpartum

Having a baby is nothing short of a miracle. A woman’s body takes the [small] contribution of DNA from her partner and creates an entire human being. I’m always amazed every time I stop and think about the process. As amazing as all that is, the scariest part is the ending—the baby has got to come out somehow. Labor and delivery can be terrifying (read more here) but then a woman goes through a whole new, and often difficult, experience of postpartum. Yippee ki-yay mother f—ker. I took the classes, I read the books, but nothing truly prepared me...

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Why being a mother is the hardest thing I’ve ever done

  I’m tired as hell. Baby T is experiencing the 4-month sleep regression, if that is even a thing. Or maybe he is just trying my patience. Or it’s the impending super moon. I don’t know what the root cause is, but the outcome is complete exhaustion. He won’t stay asleep, and is wakeful often during the night. Even if he isn’t up to eat or be changed, the noise from across the hallway is echoed eerily in the monitor on my nightstand. My under eye circles are so dark they make eggplants jealous. The fun is multiplied during...

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The [baby] honeymoon is over– Coming face to face with the reality of motherhood.

  He’s 15 weeks. That’s 3.5 months, roughly. That’s 105 days. I’m not really sure how the time went so fast. I spent the first three months in sleep-deprived bliss. Running on fumes, I had never felt so happy. Complete. Invincible. I didn’t need sleep. New moms never do. Holding that precious bundle, inhaling the newborn smell; the world is perfect. I quit my job, sure that nothing could be a better career. I was never bored; every moment spent with my son the most fulfilling one yet. I couldn’t understand moms that got stir crazy or unhappy being...

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