Author: Ainsley

THE DAY I BECAME THE MOTHER I NEVER WANTED TO BE

How I Became The Mother I NEVER Wanted To Be (and how I’ve learned to embrace her). “I’m going away on a business trip for a few days, are you going to be alright?” A relatively simple question posed by my husband. It should have a simple answer, the one he was looking for. It felt like the rug was being pulled out from under and my ass was hitting the floor and shattering my confidence into a million pieces. No, I wanted to scream, I won’t be alright! I’m barely holding on by a thread! I can’t do this alone for...

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The truth about motherhood: It really doesn’t matter.

What Is The Truth About Motherhood? What is the truth about Motherhood? Breastfeed your baby to sleep so they are comforted. Don’t breastfeed to sleep or else they will be dependent. Breastfeed for the minimum of a year. Formula is just as good as breastfeeding. Hold them as much as possible as infants. Don’t hold them too much or else they won’t want to be put down. Help your child so they feel supported, but not too much or else they won’t learned independence. No screen time is good for kids. Unless its Facetime or teaching shows. Stimulate your...

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POSTPARTUM BODY IMAGE: WHY DO WE HATE HOW WE LOOK?

My post partum body image: Well shit. My shorts I bought during my postpartum months last summer still kind of fit. I really had hoped that when I pulled them on today to deal with this freakishly warm winter they would fall right back down, unassisted. Instead, they stayed on my baby-wide hips where they were supposed to, even though I didn’t want them there. I’ve lost about half the baby weight, and my body shape is changing again to what I hope is back to something closer of what I used to have. I know in the back...

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Living With Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: A Personal Story

So maybe I was. Depression is a nearly impenetrable cloud, and in those days of darkness, I was left in its shadow. It was like the sunlight was trying to cut its way past the murky water to the sea floor; I was always left with dim light, trying to find my way through each day. Each monotonous day with a baby. Over. And Over. Again. It didn’t feel like I expected. I couldn’t seem to pull myself to the surface for fresh air. I felt like I stagnated at about 50-60% of myself. I never could grasp the last missing pieces to feel like myself again. I was anxious. I had bouts of anxiety for no reason, and when I did have a reason, the anxiety was like a vice around my chest, restricting my oxygen.

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On Motherhood and The “Should Be”s

My head is just pounding. My hormones are going insane after finishing breastfeeding. I’m completely exhausted. I’ve been going to bed before 9 pm the last few nights because I can’t keep my eyes open. T is napping right now. My body is screaming for sleep. But instead of sleeping, I started a load of wash, made coffee, and sat down to write. I like to think that it’s dedication, but really it’s because I’m an idiot. It’s because of all the Should Be’s in my life.

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