By: Anon Momma
I’m Ava’s Mom, Henry and Joyce’s daughter and I am Steven’s wife. I am a baby making, house keeping, family organizing machine. Well, that’s what I feel like.
Please don’t get it twisted. I love my family, I adore my daughter and I am generally a happy, sane person who functions well in society. I’m not picking just to complain or to cause a debate, but this is how I feel and I have spoken to many other mothers who feel the same. I feel, as happy as I am, that I don’t exist.
I have gone to university, got a job in the legal field. I met my husband under the big cement buildings of our school, dated for a while and got engaged. My wedding was one of the best days of my life. Then the questions started coming, “When are you going to have a baby?”
I remember the first person who asked. It was my husband’s Aunt Colleen. I was walking out of the church and people were blowing bubbles. I was smiling so hard my teeth hurt. She kissed my husband on the cheek and grabbed my wrist, “So,” she hissed like a snake, “When are you going to have babies?”
I did not know how to answer, hell, I just got married! However, her question was the beginning of a snowball of questions of when the little bambino was coming. I was in law school and working. My husband was also working full time. We wanted to travel a bit, we wanted to put a down payment on a house. I just wanted to graduate.
When I was married for two years, I’ve noticed that both my husbands and my family stopped asking me about my day in court or what I thought about the news, what I have done on the weekend and or what my thoughts were on this or that. The questions continued for my husband, but not me.
We waited until we were ready to have children. We had a beautiful baby girl, Ava, with sky blue eyes; the same as her Daddys. I got to fall in love with those same eyes all over again. Ava received a lot of compliments. She was a great baby who latched perfectly, who rarely made a fuss and was a happy little girl. When we went to our families house for a Sunday supper of even a visit, they would ask Steven how he was, what work was like, what he thought about this subject or that. Then they would turn to me and talk about Ava’s eyes, how adorable Ava was (she is!) etc.
Years have passed and I can tell you my in laws have not once asked me about my job, my health, my thoughts or opinions. They are nice individuals, I do not have Monster In Laws by any means and they love my daughter. I sometimes volunteer information about my day at work or my opinion about something in the news. Its usually shrugged off or someone talks over me. Have I gone invisible? Do I exist?
I love Ava, my sweet adorable four year old. The questions have begun again, when will you and Steve have another baby? I only smile and say ‘some day’.
What I do not understand is why people ask the baby question over and over again. What if one or both of us had fertility issues? We could be struggling with miscarriages or not even being able to get pregnant. Perhaps it is more simple like we are waiting, or we do not have the financial means to raise a family.
I love Motherhood and the joys of it. It really does bring endless joy and challenges me like no course ever could and humbles me like no philosophy ever did. It grounded me and made me into the woman I am today. With that being said, hello world, my name is Jane, and I think that I still exist, I have thoughts and feelings too. If you have a family member that has children, just ask them how they are doing, what do they think about this story or that event and confirm that they do, in fact, exist. Then, by all means, gush about the children for the rest of the visit.