Thebabyspot.ca is delighted to welcome our newest guest blogger, Lisa Molinaro. Lisa is a published writer who is the voice of so many Mothers who cannot put their feelings about Motherhood into words.
I feel battered and beaten. This baby has and continues to kick me when I’m down. For 7 months now, I’ve had all day nausea (does it really only happen in the morning for some women?) and fatigue. I also have these beautiful, bulging, bright purple varicose veins in my right leg. Let’s not even mention what’s been happening in the nether regions. And just today, I’ve discovered that I have three dislodged ribs!
My two previous pregnancies were not nearly this challenging. Sure, I was tired all the time with them too, and yes, they both had a tendency to begin their gymnastics the minute I lay down, but they weren’t this bad? I do recall having a difficult time particularly towards the end of the pregnancies, but there hadn’t been any nausea, varicose veins, or dislodged ribs.
Now while all this sounds (and is) almost too much to bear, I can’t help but worry if this is a sign of worse to come. Does the pregnancy reflect what the baby will be like – combative, colicky? Is the baby feeling and internalizing my stress, and in turn will he be anxious too? Is the pregnancy just the pre-show preparing me for the main event? If so, how will I manage then with a newborn and two other boys under five years of age?
I imagine these are all normal questions and concerns. The problem is no one has a truly comforting answer. In fact, if I were to go by the majority of comments I’ve heard, I’d been even more worried. The negative comments I’ve heard from strangers and close family and friends alike generally reinforce my fears because they are things like: “Three? Are you sure about that?” or “Good luck with that. I don’t envy you.”
At times I try to remain steadfast and confident in the face of these comments because I am a strong person, but if I’m being honest, most of the time I’m thinking the exact same thing. I’m thinking that this was a foolish mistake. My husband and I weren’t thinking about 7 months ago, and now we have to face the music. I feel awful saying this because I love babies, and I love this baby, but I just don’t feel mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared for another child.
This is why my worry is so acute. I fear that I will be punished for not being overjoyed by this pregnancy. I fear that there may be something wrong with the baby and that it will be my fault. Has anyone shared these fears?