Originally posted here

Sometimes the smallest sign can make it all seem better….

“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on.”

Holding on tight over here. After a few recent setbacks recently with the insurance companies, I am once again so humbly reminded to be grateful for the good things and people in my life. Blue Cross so kindly informed me this week, a few days before starting the actual IVF injections that I am not covered for the cryopreservation of the embryos. Therefore, we are responsible to pay out of pocket for this cost as well as the anesthesia for the egg retrieval. Overall, BCBS has been great in the coverage, covering the Lupron with only a $15 co-pay and the IVF meds with a $95 co-pay, but it is again painful to be reminded that since I am not carrying the pregnancy myself these fees are accumulated. It seems unfair and unjust that I should have to pay for a freezer to hold my embryos until May because my body can’t.  I am angry that I can’t carry my child and even angrier that I now have to pay a lab to deep freeze my embryos. On top of paying for a wedding in April, my fiancee and I can now add these fees to the list. While crying and debating if this whole procedure is in the cards for us, I started crying harder thinking that I wish I could talk to my Mom about all this, ask her opinion, tell her about all these overwhelming feelings I am experiencing. At this moment, I just needed my Mom to give me a huge hug and remind me it will all be okay. Through my tears I glanced at the screen door and saw a large bug grasping onto the screen. As I walked closer I noticed it was a praying mantis glaring back at me. ” The praying mantis shows the way. A symbol of good fortune, peace, and happiness headed your way.” In that moment, with tears streaming down my face, I knew it was and is going to be okay. Thanks for the reminder Mom <3