I Have an Only Child, and I’m OK with That

@calvinbain2012

thegingerproject.net

I always pictured myself with two, maybe three kids and a big SUV. Mini-vans? How lame! I was nineteen, or around twentyish.

Fast forward to adulthood and real life. I was twenty-eight before I was married and prepared for a baby. I had suffered a miscarriage and was looking down the barrel of infertility. I was blessed to have the first drug, and the first cycle succeed!

I was WAY older than I had planned to start a family. I have a degenerative spine and disc condition, and nerve neuropathy that requires several medications that are not pregnancy safe. Oh, and occasionally I pass kidney stones, which during pregnancy, you’re pretty much up a creek. CT Scans and surgery cannot be performed.

Then during pregnancy I was plagued with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.
All. Nine. Months.
I had a suspected kidney stone which turned out to be a nasty infection instead. A recurrent infection at that, oh it was a lot of fun! A scare of delivery at only twenty six weeks. If I ever wanted to go through a pregnancy again, I had a lot of hurdles to jump. After Calvin was born, PPD hit me hard. I still struggle daily even three years later.

How would I ever balance a toddler or preschooler (because I didn’t want my kids more than five years apart) and take care of myself and an unborn baby? I decided then that this would be it, Calvin would be an only child. I was about 95% sure I just couldn’t spread myself that thin. After all, he was here first and deserves my full attention.

An only child was OK with me! He is worth every hurdle I went through, but I don’t want to go through it again. I don’t want to force Calvin into the back seat.

Calvin is center stage in my world, my rainbow, and my mini me.

My one and only child! I’m OK with it!!