Michelle D Sherman PhD LP ABPP and DeAnne Sherman
Talking to Kids About Mental Illness
A song from the popular Disney movie, Encanto, is titled “We don’t talk about Bruno.” The lyrics describe the character Bruno making frightening predictions about the future, stuttering and muttering under his breath, and being such a scary uncle that no one in the family talks to or about him. This is a fictional movie and there’s no clear mental health diagnosis, but some of the characters’ reactions to Bruno are sadly similar to what happens in families managing psychiatric issues.
We, a daughter/mother, psychologist/advocate team, say “We NEED to talk about Bruno” and mental illness more openly in families, including with children.
Now, we admit that doing so can be difficult. It can be hard for adults to know how to talk about mental illness…and can be even more challenging in knowing what to say to children. Parents may also fear upsetting their kids. Due to this anxiety and uncertainty, some parents avoid the topic altogether. Perhaps they think that it’s better to just ignore the problem. However, research has shown that children often blame themselves or come up with even scarier situations when they aren’t told the truth. Therefore, finding ways to have these discussions – repeatedly, over time, and in developmentally appropriate ways – is very important.
6 Important Tips
Here are 6 tips from our new book, Loving Someone with a Mental Illness or History of Trauma: Skills, Hope, and Strength for Your Journey (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2025), for how to talk about mental illness with children. They can be useful if you’re the parent living with the illness or another adult involved in the child’s life, perhaps a coparent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, teacher, clergy, etc.
Talk openly about mental illness
Use simple, age-appropriate language to explain the situation, such as “Mommy is very sad today” or “Dad is crabby and tense today because he didn’t sleep much last night.”
Empower your kids and instill hope
Remind them they’re not to blame, they’re not alone, and the family is working together to navigate challenges.
Encourage your kids to share their feelings with you
Be open to ongoing dialogue and let children know their thoughts and emotions are valued.
Take care of yourself
Self-care is child care!
Build a support team
Engage therapists, family members, and trusted adults to provide your child with additional support and stability. Encourage your child to participate in school or extracurricular activities.
With older kids and teens, talk openly about their worries regarding their own mental health
Our book “I’m not alone: A teen’s guide to living with a parent who has a mental illness or history of trauma” (2024) has an entire section on how youth can build their own resilience and ability to cope with emotional problems.
Conclusion
We recognize these discussions can be challenging. We encourage you to reach out to reputable resources and trusted professionals, perhaps family therapists, clergy, peer support specialists, or school counselors. We hope that your family “talks about Bruno” in your own way. Breaking the silence around mental illness can decrease stigma, and can help your children know it’s nothing to be afraid of.
About
Michelle D. Sherman, PhD LP ABPP is a board-certified clinical psychologist in Minnesota who has dedicated her career to supporting families of adults living with a mental illness or trauma history. Sheis a Fellow of American Psychological Association’s Society for Couple and Family Psychology, and was named their Family Psychologist of the Year in 2022. She is the Editor in Chief of the journal, Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. She worked for 17 years in the VA system and as a Professor at the University of Minnesota and Oklahoma medical schools. In her personal life, she writes books (with her co-author mother) for family members who love someone living with a mental illness/PTSD (www.SeedsofHopeBooks.com).
DeAnne Sherman, Michelle’s mother, is a mental health advocate and educator. She graduated from St. Catherine University in St. Paul, Minnesota, with degrees in French, education, and speech and theater. She volunteers with NAMI-Minnesota, gives workshops with her daughter about mental illness in the family, and mentors people of all ages in the performing arts as a choreographer. DeAnne’s mission is to affirm, educate, and empower others. She has strong passions for combatting stigma, offering hope to people who are hurting, celebrating diversity, and promoting open discussion about mental health.
Together, we draw from our personal and professional life experiences which are the inspiration and foundation for our work. We are fervent in our mission of helping people know they are not alone, arming them with knowledge and resources, and supporting entire families in opening the door to conversations about mental illness and trauma.
