Can communicating with toddlers be more effective?
Description: Three recommendations about how communicating with toddlers and acting in conflict situations with children will help them to learn instead of getting angry and upset.
The main tool to resolve conflicts
Over years, the way we bring up our children has changed significantly and continues to change every day. This process is caused by the society changes, technological breakthroughs, and the leap of Psychology inscribed in books, articles, and essay forever. Today we understand that many old methods of parenting are obsolete now; they are no more actual nowadays society. One of the most significant change relates to resolving the conflicts between toddlers and their friends, family, parents. It is obvious that demonstrating the power and authority does not work properly. On the contrary, such attitude leads to more problems. So, what has to be changed first in parents’ behavior? The answer lays just beneath the surface – the way of communication, particularly, speaking.
The four main enemies
Let us find out what are the causes of bad behavior, our children and ours. As a rule, four main aspects result in inappropriate demeanor. These are blame, judgment, guilt, and shame. When they appear together, they cause the strong feeling of fear. And, once the fear arose, it forces acting unconsciously, unreasonably, and untypically. This kind of fear if far more harmful than the short-lived one. It gets a chronic character and, often times destabilizes the regulative system of children. As a result, they can be broken down easily, refuse to follow rules, or stop obeying their parents. Moreover, it can lead to the emotional problems.
Three golden rules of parenting
Is it possible to prevent such behavior problems in children through shifting the parents’ language? Actually, it is. Here are three recommendations about how to become the better parent for your toddler.
- Learn to listen. Sometimes parents wrongly consider that parenting is all about making your child do what you want. In practice, it has far deeper meaning. Parenting means to teach children, help them to understand how to make decisions, choose, and think. It is about teaching your child how to cope with disappointments and delay gratifications. The truth is that child cannot learn such things if he or she does not have enough time and space to think about it. You need to have a constructed conversation with your kid, to explain why something is impossible at the moment or why it is bad to act in the way your child does.
You have to keep calm, talk gently and easily, provide examples or proofs, instead of making your child feel guilty or ashamed. Listen to your kid; understand his or her viewings, answer the questions your child has, and paraphrase your explanation if needed. Remember, if you repeat something in an angry manner even thousands of times, your child will not perceive that. So, keep calm and listen to your kid.
- Support your child. Children are led by their interest in the outer world. They do not know everything that adults know. They cannot analyze every situation considering all the related points. It is your task to learn them. If your kid acts wrongly, never shout at him or her. Thus, you will teach your child that he/she is the only guilty of everything bad.
What you have to do, is to put yourself in your child’s shoes and look at the situation from that point of view. You can say that you understand that it is difficult not to touch all that cool stuff at the supermarket and offer to do it together. By doing so, you will show your kid how to act carefully; you will explain that something can be broken or spoiled. You will teach your child instead of suppressing her/his aspiration to discover the world.
- Be patient. Children are prone to do the same many times even if they were told not to. Usually, they do so not because of disobedient but because of lacking understanding why they should not do that. In such case, parents have to be super patient. There are many ways to explain the same thing, so use them. What you should never do is to punish your child for doing something wrong again. Your child will become timid, wrapped up in layers, and indecisive.
In conclusion, take care of your children, be cool parents and examples worthy of emulation.