What Does a Perfect New Mom Look Like?

I knew EXACTLY what a perfect Mom looked like, before I was a Mom. Yes, before I knew the joys of 6am or earlier wake ups, the joys of a whole family having the flu and taking turns running to the bathroom or what it is like to walk in a parking lot avoiding cars and caring for kids, I knew what the perfect Mom looked like.

She did things effortlessly. She did not let having only 3 hours of sleep for the last few weeks ruin her day. She had a smile, loved her kids and ran through life without a care in the world. But she was also a Mom who could clean up after her kids and still be that strong, independent career woman that she was meant to be. A perfect Mom could do anything and no challenge was too great for her. That was my pre parenting vision of Motherhood.

The Baby Has Arrived- Still A Perfect Mom?

Then, my first baby was born. A baby who slept through the night, who was calm… until colic hit. This baby had a stomach as hard as a rock and my baby needed me. Suddenly, my ideal of showering first thing in the morning was cut short. A baby who was not suffering was the most important part of my day.

I also owned my own business. Owning my own business meant no maternity leave which I completely understood before I became a Mom but being a Mom who could “do it all” became less and less important. Being a Mom who could get 3 hours of sleep or more a night became important!

Judgy Mom groups became the bane of my existence. The pressure to join a Mom group and get Mom friends with kids the same age as you was really strong in my area. However, I learned quickly that my 3 month old does not really care if they have another 3 month old friend or not and as life goes on, one usually does not keep in touch with their Mom groups unless it’s a bunch of really rad Moms.  I did not care of their little Susie did not hit a milestone right on time. My first Mom group was my last as Moms ganged up on one wonderful Mom who had dyed her hair blue. I left to hang out with the blue haired beauty and her one year old (the most well behaved kid of the bunch) and vowed to never sit with a bunch of women who were making another woman feel bad for more than five seconds again. After mentioning how judgey they were being and absolutely rude to an innocent Mom, I don’t think I would be welcomed back either. But at least I checked off number 17 on from Real Parent’s “Fucket List”.

Being a great Mom before I had a baby meant being active in my child’s school and doing fundraisers but now in reality it means going to food banks with all we can and seeing my children stock shelves and playing with the children whose parents need the food stuffs that night because we want to help.

Being the perfect Mom means humbling yourself. It means not pushing yourself to impossible limits. Most of all, it means being  be kind to yourself.  The well-earned smile of a Mother is one of the best things in the world. A perfect Mom is the Mom who loves her kids more than anything, with her bun on her head or who hair that is cut too short so she can just get things done. The perfect Mom is not who can do everything, but who everything is because she is a Mom.