…… I sit on my couch right now..I look around my living room. My four month old daughter asleep next to me. My four year plays with her toys on the floor in front of me.. my three oldest girls (13 yr old, 12yr old, 7yr old) are eating an after school snack in the kitchen.

Why me?

I read an article about a man who lost his wife from complications of child birth. She delivered at the same hospital I did. Her son was rushed to the NICU. ..same NICU my son is in now. The article shows a father singing to his son and playing the guitar. That baby boy died yesterday… just a couple feet away from my son…. . …….

After watching the video… crying my eyes out..I realized I was there. At that moment. . I was there.

I thought back to a time when my twins were just born. Both struggling to survive…and I asked God WHY? Why me? Why them? Why this way? Why now?

I struggled with WHY for a good while. To this day I don’t think I fully understand WHY. But I did learn to stop asking why.

I realized that I was never going to get an answer to WHY….just HOW.

HOW will my babys survive… how will we get through this.. how will I keep going… with God’s love, mercy and strength.

God put it in my heart many many years ago that He was going to make me a worker. He was going to use ME. He wanted to use me, somehow, to spread God’s good word. The story of my son.. our marriage. .our life.. its ALL because of God! And my job is to tell our story.

If you want to see a true miracle… look at my son. The world told us over and over again that our son would not live… but God SHOWED the world that HE is POWERFUL. HE is the miracle worker. Our God is a mighty God. And I have to show the world how amazing He is!

When I read stories of that father and husband… losing his precious family… I can’t ask WHY… why them and not us… I refuse to ask WHY. I’ve simply accepted that whatever God has planned for us… it will be. And solely with God’s strength, we will make it through♡

Blessings to you all.