How to Deal With a Breakup While Pregnant
Being pregnant is a life changer. You are now bringing in a life to this planet and you are responsible for this life. Sometimes, life can be cruel and the partner that you have chosen to share life with and yourself have broken up. This can be extremely painful. Here is how to deal with a breakup while pregnant.
You may have been broken up with, you may have been the one doing the break up. A pregnant person could be leaving a toxic relationship, or just it isn’t working out. Whatever the reason,you will be going through a breakup while you are growing a new life. You may have a lot of concerns, but before you read any further, know that maybe not today, but overall you are going to be okay. Let’s get started.
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The Breakup Has Happened. Now What?
Whether you are just a few weeks along with your pregnancy or you are nine months pregnant, it is time to get your affairs in order. There are a number of things that you need to do in order to get through this breakup while you are pregnant. Firstly and most importantly, surround yourself with love. What does that mean? Well, it can be a process.
Firstly, you deserve to love yourself. If you were in a toxic relationship, believe yourself when you say it was not your fault. If you had a mutual breakup or you were broken up with, know you did the best you can during these circumstances. Believing this is going to make a huge difference during this journey.
Secondly, you must try to calm worrying and anxiety. This is a multi faceted task. Worry and anxiety can consume us. You are now caring for two people now, yourself and your baby. You are at the brink of realizing that you are stronger than you have ever imagined. As a pregnant person you make great things and you can achieve great things.
Lastly, it is time to construct a plan. Though we cannot predict what kind of birth we want or how the pregnancy will go, we can control some factors. From finances to mental health, you can work smart to provide a loving and caring home.
Breakups Happen- Now How To Deal With A Breakup While Pregnant
Always remember that family can be many different shapes and sizes. Breaking up with your partner does not mean your baby comes from a broken home. The baby has a perfect home, with you. If the partner is in your life, your baby will have a family with two homes. Needless to say, it is not broken and your baby is loved very much by you. Your family is just as good as a nuclear family.
With this confidence and following these three steps initially, you can begin the steps on how to heal from a breakup while pregnant.
Telling Someone You’re Pregnant After a Breakup
You have broken up with your partner or they have broken up with you and now you have discovered you are pregnant. How do you tell someone that you’re pregnant after a breakup? This is a delicate situation that takes great care.
Lower Your Stress
Firstly, try to limit your stress as much as possible. Cut out any unnecessary stressors. You need to keep healthy for yourself and the baby.
See A Doctor
See your doctor and get a confirmation of pregnancy which can include the six or eight week ultrasound. Get a clear birth date. You want to have accurate information to give to your former partner. If you choose to not keep the baby, that is your choice because it is your body. If you choose adoption, be aware that your spouse has the legal right to get full custody of the baby before adoption is considered. Speak to a lawyer about your options.
Being clear with your intentions, even if you don’t have all the answers immediately, is okay. The most integral thing is to have as much of a stress free pregnancy as possible.
Call Your Ex To Speak In Person
Speak to your ex that something urgent has come up and that you need to speak to them. If they are refusing, you have to emphasize that it is urgent to meet up to discuss. Unfortunately, if they are being unreasonable you may have to tell them on the phone. Firstly, the decision to keep the baby is yours. If you choose to terminate the pregnancy, that is your choice as it is your body. Know that if you choose to put your child up for adoption, the father of your baby has an option to Make sure you are sure that the baby is there baby.
Surround Yourself With A Strong Care Team
While you are dealing with a breakup while you are pregnant, you need a good support team around you that will be there through out your entire pregnancy. They can be your rock when you are having hard times and your biggest cheerleader when you are having good moments. What does a strong care team look like?
If you have not already, make sure you have a great OBGYN, doula, midwife or doctor team. Depending on your pregnancy plan, ensure that these people rally around you and understand your situation. Their positive encouragement and great advice is what is going to get you through this pregnancy. If you have not set this up already, this should be the first time you do. Firstly, it will ensure the safety and health of your baby. Secondly, your physical health is of upmost importance. Lastly, it will give you a peace of mind knowing you have a professional team in your corner, ready to help you give birth to a baby.
Are you in a tight financial situation? Do you need housing or assistance? Connecting with your local government, food banks, mental health services and more can help you whether you are strapped for cash or financially stable. Depending on your situation, you need a care team that is there to help you. Mental health is as important as physical health. Taking care of you is paramount. Every kind act you do for you, you do for your baby too.
Aligning with family members who are ready to support you during this time is integral. Family who will love you and your baby and support you through out your pregnancy journey will be life changing for your and you baby. Now is not the time to shy away from help.
Firstly, it is always great to have someone come to your appointments with you. Having a second person allows them to also absorb information that you may forget. It is also great to share in the joy of the baby growing. Finally, it is great to have the support that you deserve during your pregnancy. Even someone being excited with you can mean the world.
Secondly, having a family support system be there for you through the tough or confusing times. It is great to have a sound board as you make decisions. Choose people who listen well. You are having a baby, but they may be becoming aunts, uncles and grandparents. This is a big deal for the entire family.
Lastly, what kind of help will you need after the pregnancy? From babysitting to top tips and advice, see if your family can rally around you during this time.
Mental health is paramount when you are pregnant. You need to make a great team of people that are going to support you and be there for you. You need to keep your friends close. If you have friends that are not supportive of you or a few “frenemies” in the mix, now is the time to focus on the people that you love and that love you. This is not a time where you need judgement, but a community around you so that your child can grow up with loving people by their side.
You have your friends, family and medical care team and now you need people who have been through the same thing!Groups that are online and in person are perfect to help you align yourself with people who truly will understand. Secondly, they will be able to point you to resources and aid if you need it. Lastly, its important to just have groups so you know that you are not alone going through your pregnancy.
There are groups on Facebook and other social media outlets who have been in your situation. There are people just like you! It is good to connect with these groups to make new friends who understand and have been there. Secondly, it is important to get good resources that are local. You can join groups of single parents who are pregnant that are local and global. Local groups would be great for meet ups and finding access to local resources. Global groups are good to know that you are not alone and you can interact or just read the stories of other people.
In Person Groups
From support groups to meeting up with local people who are in the same situation, this is a great way to make new friends and find local resources that can help you further. It also will help your little one associate with children who have been in the exact same situation. It can mean having new friends and moving forward from your relationship.
Starting a support group of friends, family, groups and a health care team allows you to keep busy and move forward from your relationship.
Keep Stress Down
This is easier said than done but keeping stress to a minimum will be very helpful through out your pregnancy. Keeping stress down means avoiding drama with your ex. You can keep stress down by doing little kindnesses for yourself. Of course this doesn’t have to be monetary gifts, but give yourself grace when you sleep in, spend extra time relaxing, taking time to work out for yourself and more. Take time to meditate 5 minutes a day. You can get some great 5 minute meditations on Youtube. Be around people that are going to support you have be positive. You don’t need to be around people who are putting you down. Though stress is inevitable with pregnancy and a breakup, you can commit to lowering it as much as possible.
You Can Relieve it in the following ways:
Physically Reduce Stress
Ask your doctor about safe and easy workouts that you can do through out your entire pregnancy. Working out, or even walking, swimming, and yoga is good for pregnant people. Taking time to work out can take your mind off of things and focus on you and your baby.
Emotionally Reduce Stress
Practice forgiveness, read stress reducing posts, get back into hobbies that are safe and that you love. Focus on sending love to your baby everyday and love to yourself.
Spiritually Reduce Stress
If you are religious, keep your religion close to you during this time. If you are spiritual, choose to meditate and send positive affirmations everyday. Give yourself this gift to have a peace of mind, even if it is for just a few minutes everyday.
Take Time To Grieve
You have had a loss of your relationship. Whether you have done the breaking up or you were broken up with, this can come as a shock to you. Naturally, you feel like grieving. You should not deny yourself this emotion. As long as you are not harming yourself or others, it is perfectly normal to feel absolute sadness and loss about your relationship ending.
Talk to a professional if possible if the grief gets too much to bare. It is normal that grief comes in waves. Eventually you will be able to stay afloat and after more time, the waves seem to hit you less and less and eventually, not so much at all. You have to make decisions that help you keep a good mental health while you are grieving. Then you can begin the process of recovery at your speed. However, you must continue to take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. This is something you deserve.
Over time, the grief will begin to subside and you will be able to move forward as a parent to be.
Treating yourself does not mean shopping sprees and lavish trips. It can mean giving yourself time to grieve, take a nice bath or shower or sleep in that extra hour on your days off. Treating yourself can mean not saying negative things to yourself, making sure your friend circle is safe and not toxic. It can mean not going to try to work things out when you know its a toxic relationship. Treating yourself also means forgiving yourself if you don’t get everything you want to do done on that certain day. There will be many of those days once you have become a parent.
Get Child Custody
Custody of a child is integral for a child’s well being. Just because you and your partner don’t get along does not mean your child should not see their other parent. Figuring out custody is important. In good faith, you should update your partner about the well being of the child in utero. If there is a challenge where you have left a domestic violence situation, it is important to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible about filing motions for custody.
If you have had a break up situation where you two just no longer are getting along, then working out a healthy custody relationship is important. If you will be the main caregiver of this baby then child support may be in the cards. Similarly, you would have to look into health insurance and how that works with your insurance and your exes insurance policies. Speaking to a lawyer will help you come up with fair and safe options for everyone involved.
Attempt to Set Up A Cordial Relationship With Your Ex
When you are trying to figure out how to deal with a breakup while you are pregnant, you certainly do not want to think about having a cordial relationship with you ex. However, you both are having a child. Note: this does not apply if you were in a domestic violence situation or a toxic situation. In either of these cases, its best to consult with a lawyer and tell your story.
If you are the main care giver for your child, you may be entitled to child support.
A cordial relationship with an ex means your child gets access and bonding with both parents. Though your ex may not be your favorite person, this has no baring on the the child’s relationship with their parent. A child needs to bond with both of their parents if their parents are providing a safe environment and lifestyle for them. Again, this does not apply if your partner is abusive. You should see a lawyer immediately.
Ways to Meet Up With An Ex
Your ex is your ex for a reason but you are getting together for the betterment of your child. Make it easy on yourself and follow these tips to meet up with your ex.
Meet in a Public Place
Meet with your ex in a public place. Be cordial and discuss the birth, child support (if you will have the child the majority of the time) and more. Speak about getting everything in writing and going to court for an official custody agreement. If it escalates to yelling, end the situation and go and speak to a lawyer. You don’t need the stress. This is about your child and not the feelings of the parents.
Meet Up During The Day
As you try to figure out how to deal with a breakup while pregnant, you are scheduling your meeting with your ex. You are meeting in a public place. It would be preferred if you meet during the day. Have an alcohol free meeting just in case tempers flare. Its best to have a clear mind to negotiate. There is no winner or loser in an argument. The winner should always be the child, who gets to see both parents and have both families in his life.
If the conversation goes bad, end it and speak to a lawyer. Bad communication and harsh words are not going to help anyone in this important situation. You were unhappy in a relationship while pregnant, now the focus is on your child.
How To Deal With A Breakup While Pregnant -Getting Through It
Dealing with a breakup while pregnant is tough. You are under a lot of stress and with your changing body and a new baby on the way, it can feel awful. However, it is just beginning. A new life with your child is a beginning. You will find joy again, you will find strength again and you will realize that you are stronger then you have ever imagined.
By following these tips and believing in yourself, you are about to enter a time of challenge, change, triumph and new beginnings. You’ve got this.
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